15 Things That Happen When You Go into the Wilderness That is IKEA

Every now and then I like to torture Al by dragging him, kicking and screaming, around the mecca that is IKEA. It’s not a pretty sight, but we always leave with more than we came for. I believe that every IKEA trip goes a little like this…

1. It takes you at least 20 minutes to park as you have to patiently stalk fleeing customers, hunting for the next available space. This even happens at 11:10am on a Sunday morning, 10 minutes after IKEA officially opens.

2. You vow if you have children, to drop them in the kids play area rather than drag them around the shop floor. You also tend to wonder if there’s an area you can drop your partner in a for a 10 minute respite break.

3. At least 40 minutes is spent following the yellow brick road round the ready-made rooms.

4. You’ll inevitably get sidetracked, stopping to look at all the bedrooms, eyeing up the soft furnishings, even though you only nipped in to grab some bathroom essentials.

5. You’ll want to remodel your current bedroom situation into that of one of the showrooms.

6.  You’ll contemplate stopping for meatballs because, when in Rome…

7. There’ll be a 5-minute stare off between you and your partner over whether it’s necessary to get a new toothbrush holder.

8. You’ll spot a glass shoe cabinet illuminated with lights and point out that that’s your #lifegoal for the future. Right there. And in a split second you believe that it’s achievable.

9. The candles will hypnotise you, tempting you in their direction with their heady smell and encourage you to pick up at least one in every size and in every scent.

10. You’ll hot-foot it past the indoor plants because there is no room left in your flat for any more greenery.

11. When left to source the bigger items you’ll wonder aimlessly, trying to remember the aisle and loc numbers you scribbled down somewhere. Only to find out that the free-standing mirror you wanted isn’t even in stock. Great.

12. You’ll hold your breath while having your items scanned because it’s inevitable that you strayed from the list and – probably with those bloody candles – and have no idea how much you’ve spent.

13. There’ll be a good 10-minute bustle with an item that is too wide to fit into the back of your boys work van. Ours was a super-wide circular mirror for our bathroom.

14. A big sigh of relief will leave your body the minute you drive out the exit. You got what you came for and won’t need to go back for a while.

15. That immense feeling of satisfaction as you delete that IKEA list off the notes section in your iPhone. Bliss.

Got your own IKEA memo to add? Drop it below.

P.S This is how I imagine my bathroom to look. Obviously this is an IKEA image and not my reality.

P.P.S When my reality is ready to share, you’ll be the first to see it. I promise.


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