What you looking at?

Sometimes I forget I have a scar on my neck and then sometimes it’s
drawn to my attention by people who clearly have no manners and don’t
know that it’s rude to stare.

In America it was unreal the
amount of times I caught people staring at
my neck and one woman in Clapham nearly fell onto the tracks due to her
obvious rubbernecking at my scar. Unreal. I’m not ashamed of my scar,
nor would I ever try to hide it. I’d much rather talk about it then
pretend it doesn’t exist. I
sometimes think this must be how women with large boobs feel, when a
man directs everything at their chest. Except mine’s neck level.

Recently Fashion Train
posted about her thyroid troubles and I feel like I need to do the
same, to get it all off my rather small chest. So here it goes, brace

It all started back in 2009. I had a huge lump appear on my neck, poking out from my throat like an Adam’s apple. It felt like it was putting pressure on my wind pipe making it painful to swallow and making me constantly heave. I went to the doctors several times but no one really knew what it was so I was referred to hospital.

Eventually on New Years Eve it all got a bit much. We had a hospital appointment with one of the ENT doctors who thought my lump was just a cyst. He thought by injecting it he might be able to drain it. Instead he drew blood, made it swell up even more and sent me into a massive panic attack. When I’d calmed down, I was pretty much carried by my mum down to have an ultrasound. After my scan they thought it looked like some kind of lump consisting of tangled blood vessels which had attached itself to my thyroid.

To trim the story down abit, what followed were several more hospital appointments, blood tests, another ultrasound and a CT scan. My consultant (who was also my surgeon) decided the only option was to operate, remove it and then work out what it was. It turned out to be a benign tumour – I can tell you honestly that the wait to find that out was the absolute worst experience ever. You try to stay positive but always fear the worst. I was very lucky.

It took me ages to heal with my scar staying red and lumpy. It also left a mass of scar tissue behind, putting pressure on my wind pipe. I was deemed a hyperthrophic healer (meaning I can never have face lift!) and it was decided that I needed to have the original scar operated on again. This happened in August 2011 and was much more successful. It took another six or so months of regular steroid injections into the scar to increase the chances of healing and some special silicone gel and now, four years after it all started, it looks much better than I could have ever dreamt of.

Because of the two ops I have no real feeling around that part of my neck, both on the outside and inside, which makes it really funny when I drink a fizzy drinks as the bubbles just stop! But I am finally healthy, which is the only thing that matters.

I wear my scar proudly, knowing that I had to go through a lot to get to where I am now. Every scar tells a story so if you find yourself staring at mine or a strangers, just remember, there’s always a story to tell and most of the time, I’m happy to share.

Rant over.


2 responses to “What you looking at?”

  1. Avatar Anonymous says:

    You should be naming this lump madam's apple