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17 Thoughts I Had During My Latest IBS Flare

My IBS likes to play a sadistic game with my mind. It lulls me into a false sense of security by being all fine and dandy for a prolonged period of about 2 weeks and then BAM, here comes the shit storm. Just when you weren’t expecting it.

This time I’m pointing the finger of blame in the direction of dinner. In particular, the large amount of leeks I consumed. Usually I can tolerate a small amount but Saturday night, my gut was having none of it.

I documented the thoughts that were flying through my mind…

1. Ah bull crap, here comes the bloat. Better pop that jean button to give it room to grow.

2. Not content on just being bloated tonight, we’ve got a side order of shooting pains too. Nice.

3. Better get my ass to the bathroom. It’s a slow burner so I guess I have time to find something to watch…

4. I had no idea Zanna Roberts Rassi was from Manchester! Filling my time by watching the Sali Hughes In The Bathroom with series. Ironic, really.

15 minutes later…

5. Well, I guess I’m not going out tonight. Better text Chez and cancel my plans.

My message read: Sorry babe, going to be a drop out tonight. Dinner has killed my stomach and IBS and I’m in agony. XXX

6. Better pull out the comfy pants and the elasticated waistband. This bloated tum ain’t got no time for skinny jeans right now.

7. Well, if my stomach’s gone rogue, then I might as well eat the rest of the tub of non-dairy ice cream in the freezer. What’s the worst that’s gonna happen, right?

8. I should probably whack the kettle on for a peppermint tea and hot water bottle tag team.

9. Here come the frustrated and fed up tears. Such a cliché.

10. Ohhh. There’s the fatigue and the overwhelming, empty feeling washing over me.

11. There is no stranger sensation then feeling the bubbles in your gut.

12. At least I have the bunny for company to cheer me up.

13. Oh no, she’s snoring. Great.

14. Well I might as well turn on the laptop and blog my thoughts. Right then.

15. Crap bags, it’s going to be a long, gassy night.

16. Is this even content? Can I even post this?!

17. Ahhhh, sod it. This is my reality. Might as well document it.

Bet you’re all glad I blogged this aren’t you! In all honesty, you should just be pleased it was bloating and cramps and not the big D. You’re welcome.

Ta ra folks. This grandma’s off to rest.

P.S This photo is obviously not from said IBS flare. I just didn’t think a snap of me on the loo was appropriate.

4 Comments

  1. Jo, this is bloody brilliant!!! Ahhh just sooooo RELATEABLE. (and very readable…how can you make a bad situation just so funny?)

    Reply

    • Jojo

      Sam, I bloody love you. Thank you! I feel like humour is the only way I can get through it! X

      Reply

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