It seems ironic to be writing this post a couple of days after saying that this is the year I’m going to be kinder to myself, however Monday set out to test me and my anxiety and I didn’t want to let it take over so early in the new year. So I put my new mantra into practice and attempted to calm the fuck down.
I woke up Monday morning after a lovely lay in, had an ASOS parcel delivered with some birthday prezzies and did day one of Yoga with Adriene’s revolution practice. I started my day feeling great, rested, well-stretched and raring to go.
My plan was to pop to the shops to see if I could pick up a baby shower gift I’d seen, which is where the day from hell started. Traffic + busy crowds + sale shite = a complete nightmare. I left the shops with only thank you cards in my hand and a temper that was quickly worsening. Add to that a bunny who had pooed everywhere and then attempted to chew through my carpet, and I lost it. I shouted at the bunny and had an absolute huff taking over my body. This was not how I’d imagined my last day off to go.
Determined to shake my mood and follow through on my promise of being kind to myself, I grabbed my posh hot choc powder and marshmallow melts and made myself a steaming cuppa. I changed into my pyjamas, removed my makeup and turned up George Michael’s dulcet tones in a bid to unwind my tight shoulders and temper.
I’m a big fan of lists – although I am aware that sometimes I make them too big which irks my anxious mind – so took out my notebooks and organised my to do list, making it centred around January, broken down into four categories; personal, wedding, occasions and blog. I then listed out everything that I firstly needed to get done and secondly what I wanted to achieve within each category. Before, I had several to-do lists on the go and never seemed to be achieving anything, I wanted to streamline what I set out to achieve each month, setting realistic goals and recording them. One of the next steps is turning this monthly to do list into a bullet journal, in my new personalised notebook, as I like the idea of structure and points to tick off.
I then took myself off to my bedroom where I laid down on my bed for Take 10, Headspace’s free meditation practices. This practice helps make me aware of every breath I take, the rhythmic rise and fall of my lungs, the sense of scanning my body, being aware of my centre and crucially, allowing my mind to relax and reset.
I followed this by painting my nails because badass red talons make me happy. It’s as simple as that. By this time I felt myself again.
I’m writing this post because the blogging world can be full of highly-edited best bits and for me, that’s not always the case. I’m saying that it’s ok to have down days, where you feel like nothing’s going the way you wanted, I have them all the time. But this year, I’m making small changes to the way I deal with them. I’m not letting the shit things become all-consuming. I’m accepting them as blips in my day and taking physical and mental actions to turn the day around by doing things I know will put a smile back on my face. I’m dusting myself down and picking myself back up.
Most importantly, I’m remembering to be kind to myself. Because I’m bloody worth it. And you are too.
I’m not entirely sure that this post makes sense but I do know it’s made me feel a helluva lot better being honest about the bad days. I know that I can go to bed feeling content that I did all I can do, and that that’s enough to put my mind at rest.
The picture above was taken on New Year’s Day at Avon Beach. It’s one of my all-time favourite places and is filled with gorgeous family memories. It’s a now tradition to wake up early on New Year’s Day, jump in the car and drive to Mudeford where we have breakfast at 9am, overlooking said beach. For me, there’s something calming about watching and listening to the sea. Just looking at this picture fills my body with a sense of calm and fulfilment.