Emma Thompson wrote a line in October’s copy of Red magazine which really resonated with me and I haven’t been able to shake it since. “I wish I’d known that success is a byproduct, not something to be strived for. The process is the most important thing.” This got me thinking about some of my greatest successes and again, what that word means to me.
Can we take a moment to talk about the fact I spent 7 days in Italy, stuffing my ginormous gob with ALL THE GLUTEN. Capitals for extra emphasis. Seriously though, I hit every single breakfast, lunch and dinner hard. I forgot about my pesky IBS and ate whatever the hell I felt like eating.
I feel a huge sense of uncertainty is hanging over my future and on some days I find that thrilling, that I’m ready for that next challenge, and the next I can feel the bubbles of anxiety starting to boil in my chest because uncertainty still scares me. I’ve acknowledged that both of those feelings are allowed and understandable but it doesn’t stop me from feeling confused and unsure.
Turns out I can be incredibly sneaky when I need to be. Case in point, I booked a holiday 4 weeks ago as a surprise to my husband and managed to keep my gob firmly shut until we were in the car on the way to the airport. Get in.
Since I started speaking openly and writing about my anxiety and CBT, people, who I both know and don’t, have started asking me about it. After months of covering up how terrible it had got, I’ve become a CBT champion among friends and the online community I’ve carved out for myself. It’s both baffling and an extreme compliment. And something I’m still getting my head around.
You know that old saying, you don’t what you’ve got till it’s gone – and if you read that without singing it, Joni Mitchell style, who even are you?! – well, that’s true for me and my former work wife and bestie. I mean she’s still a bestie but we no longer work together. And that’s a bloody travesty!
Mudeford has an extremely tight hold of my heart. It’s where we holidayed as kids, working our way from Caravan to chalet as we got older and our parents saved more pennies. It’s my favourite place in the UK and that’s why, when my mum and I decided to take a 3-day break, it was the first place we thought of.
I picked up three new sundresses this year, all IBS-belly friendly, and I’ve realised they fall into three categories. The sophisticated boho dream, the cutesy floral number and the voluminous polka dot childlike one. That wasn’t how they were categorised on ASOS but I feel is an accurate description. Hear me out on what they have in common and why I’m living in them.
CBT without doubt, has changed my life. That may sound like a bold claim, but I’m telling you, it has. While I wish I’d done it a long time ago, I do believe everything happens for a reason and this came at the right time for me.
I’ve written a list of all the little things that bring me moments of joy throughout the day. Each moment puts a smile on my face and a spring in my step, and I am here for that.